I Accidentally Summoned Mortal Kombat Characters into Animal Crossing: Here’s What Happened

By Tyler Sikov, Savannah Teman, Abby Stoudt

Authors’ Note: We wrote this as two people who have only ever played Animal Crossing and one person who has only ever played Mortal Kombat

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So, since the launch of Animal Crossing New Horizons in March, my life has become centered around Pietro the sheep. Every single night I close my eyes to sleep and I dream about him. My waking hours are filled with thoughts about his silly little clown face. I want nothing more than to have him live on my island and be my best friend and yet, he has yet to move in.

 

I spent hundreds of hours grinding to earn Nook Miles so that I could buy tickets to visit other islands and find Pietro and I just couldn’t find him. Friends offered to invite me onto their islands to ask their Pietro’s to move onto my islands and on the very day that I planned to ask him to move in, someone else took his place.

 

Needless to say, I was getting desperate. So, I decided to buy some amiibo cards off of eBay. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I needed the clown sheep on my island. I needed it more than I needed air to breathe. However, when the cards came in the mail, I noticed something weird: they were unmarked. I didn’t think anything much about it, only that I would have to scan them all to find the Pietro one; but when I scanned one into the game, I noticed something weird. They didn’t call a lovable sheep or cat or other similarly cute animal, they summoned Mortal Kombat characters who I couldn’t get to move out at all. Here are some of the weird things that happened once they moved in.

 

  1. My villagers can now perform x-ray fatalities
  2. Biff started greeting me with “Time to die, little man” instead of “MUSCLE MADNESS”
  3. Raymond has now begun to attempt Rolling Thunder (Raiden) on Peaches
  4. Scorpion has a peaceful home where he has many pet scorpions, then once he leaves his home he stabs people though their skulls with his chain knives
  5. Sahara the traveling carpet dealer is now only selling trait cards
  6. Isabelle’s business casual attire started to become a little more Kombat-casual
  7. The only way to get a five star rating is to fight every Jock villager in a grueling 76-on-1 match
  8. Tortimer has come back for final revenge on Johnny Cage
  9. The female characters all have tiddies
  10. Nightwolf has started killing my villagers to add their animal spirits to his army
  11. Tom Nook now routinely removes disobedient villagers spines and then impales them with their own spine
  12. Goro has now mated with many villagers to create a generation of villagers with four arms
  13. Timmy and Tommy swear now
  14. Kotal Kahn is now forcing all of the villagers to come to his talks about te Mongol Empire
  15. Absolute Zero froze the water around my island, collapsing the thriving fishing industry

 

A Day in the Life of a Pittiful News Writer: Quarantine edition

By Tyler Sikov

7 AM, the usual morning lineup
Start on the chores and sweep ’til the floor’s all clean
Polish and wax, do laundry and mop and shine up
Sweep again and by then it’s like 7:15

And so I’ll read a book
Or maybe two or three
I’ll add a few new paintings
To my gallery

I’ll play guitar and knit
And cook and basically
Just wonder when will my life begin?

Then, after lunch, it’s puzzles and darts and baking
Paper mache, a bit of ballet and chess
Pottery and ventriloquy, candle making
Then I’ll stretch, maybe sketch, take a climb, sew a dress

And I’ll reread the books
If I have time to spare
I’ll paint the walls some more
I’m sure there’s room somewhere

And then I’ll brush and brush
And brush and brush my hair
Stuck in the same place I’ve always been

And I’ll keep wanderin’ and wanderin’
And wanderin’ and wonderin’
When will my life begin?

And tomorrow night, the lights will appear
Just like they do on my birthday each year
What is it like out there where they glow?
Now that I’m older, mother might just let me go

Places We Want to go on Vacay when Quarantine Ends

By Tyler, Savannah, Abby, Sonya

  1. Walt Disney World just so that I can high-five Phineas and Ferb then go home
  2. The cheese department in Wegmans
  3. Giant Eagle, the one I don’t normally go to
  4. Publix
  5. Los Angeles so that I can hang around all of the cool places that I think Jeff Goldblum would go in hopes that our eyes lock across the crowded room and I use a series of suggestive eyebrow waggles and winks to tell him that I want to be his best friend. I then leave but not before covertly sticking a handmade friendship bracelet into his hand without him noticing, bewildering him and sending him on a many years long quest to find me again and give me his own homemade friendship bracelet. It is nowhere as nice as mine is, but it’s the thought that counts.
  6. Applebees
  7. A vacation home in the woods that houses seven odd-personalitied short men that like to whistle as they work in the mines.
  8. The hair salon
  9. Universal Studios to see the Trolls and drink butterbeer :)
  10. Dutch Bros Coffee (unless I get a green straw)
  11. The Old Mill at Kennywood… wait nevermind
  12. My Girlfriend’s house, once I get a girlfriend, and she gets a house, and she invites me over of course, because I would not want to show up un announced, well not again, this is all assuming that I have broken into my girlfriend’s house before, possibly that is how we got together
  13.  Lush so that I can eat the bath bombs
  14.  Kansas
  15.  The butterfly room at Longwood Gardens
  16.  Claires to hit up all that new Jojo Siwa swag
  17.  The Monongahela National Forest to find bigfoot ;))
  18.  An island so I can, in all seriousness, sell turnips in real life and live a peaceful life
  19.  Wherever Carmen Sandiego is
  20.  A bar, because I will be 21, and I would like to die in a bar fight
  21.  To a nice pond to go frog-sighting
  22.  All the places Covid went so I can go on a fun world tour
  23.  To kiss my girlfriend, as with before (see #12), if I have one, if I do not then I will “borrow” a girl to become my girlfriend
  24. Prison (see #23)