Things You Could Buy With the Money You’re Saving by Not Having a Wedding

By: Abby Stoudt

Great news LGBT community! In light of Justice Barret being appointed to the Supreme Court, I’m making a list of all the fun things we can buy instead of paying for a wedding. So, instead of dropping 30 grand on a wedding, you can now afford:

  1. 2,727 frog shaped coin purses
  2. An unlimited amount of Turning Point USA activism kits whose pins you can then repurpose with $30,000 worth of Posca markers (While we’re dropping $30,000 we might as well buy the good stuff)
  3. 600 pairs of rainbow crocs
  4. A brand new Subaru
  5. 428 Seinfeld boxed sets
  6. 131 Bokuto plushies (but the huge one because again, we’re treating ourselves, LGBT community <3)
  7. 600 Iconic Milk Bar birthday cakes
  8. Roughly 7,500 of my go-to Starbucks order: A grande iced coffee with sweet cream and 3 pumps of white mocha
  9. 1,666 copies of the Trolls Soundtrack on vinyl and 428 record players to listen to it on
  10. 1,578 tapestries that depict Robert Pattinson standing in his kitchen

Well, I hope this helps because you all know what they say: retail therapy is a valid form of therapy.

But on a more serious note everyone, we’re showing the jokes the door for a moment, I know that times feel really rough right now but we will make it through this together. I love you <3.