By: Abby Stoudt
Great news LGBT community! In light of Justice Barret being appointed to the Supreme Court, I’m making a list of all the fun things we can buy instead of paying for a wedding. So, instead of dropping 30 grand on a wedding, you can now afford:
- 2,727 frog shaped coin purses
- An unlimited amount of Turning Point USA activism kits whose pins you can then repurpose with $30,000 worth of Posca markers (While we’re dropping $30,000 we might as well buy the good stuff)
- 600 pairs of rainbow crocs
- A brand new Subaru
- 428 Seinfeld boxed sets
- 131 Bokuto plushies (but the huge one because again, we’re treating ourselves, LGBT community <3)
- 600 Iconic Milk Bar birthday cakes
- Roughly 7,500 of my go-to Starbucks order: A grande iced coffee with sweet cream and 3 pumps of white mocha
- 1,666 copies of the Trolls Soundtrack on vinyl and 428 record players to listen to it on
- 1,578 tapestries that depict Robert Pattinson standing in his kitchen
Well, I hope this helps because you all know what they say: retail therapy is a valid form of therapy.
But on a more serious note everyone, we’re showing the jokes the door for a moment, I know that times feel really rough right now but we will make it through this together. I love you <3.