Cats Smell Nice

By Tyler Sikov (and his cat Peanut butter)

Cats smell nice just out of a bath

Cats smell nice when they help you with math

Cats smell nice when they lick themselves clean

Cats smell nice when their eyes really gleam

Cats smell nice when they hit you on the head

Cats smell nice when they raise the dead

Cats smell nice when they perform a blood sacrifice

Cats smell nice when they hit around a cube of ice

Cats smell nice when they take a drink

Cats smell nice when they wear all pink

Cats smell nice when they greet you at the door

Cats smell nice when they play outside in a downpour

Cats smell nice when they eat your eyes

Cats smell nice when they plan a surprise

Cats smell nice when they hold your hand

Cats smell nice when they do something unplanned

Cats smell nice when they kiss your face

Cats smell nice when they attend jury duty in your place

Cats smell nice when they eat their dinner

Cats smell nice when they behead a sinner

Cats smell nice when they shed their fur

Cats smell nice when they lay there and purr

Horror Slopes

By Mia Nitekman

slopes

Aries – Cardiac Hill

Taurus – that bunny hill you thought you could handle when you tried snowboarding for the first time and you embarrassed yourself in front of your friends. Idiot.

Gemini – the hill you rolled down as a child that resulted in your first broken bone

Cancer – the slow descent into seasonal depression

Leo – a slippery slope. What made it slippery???

Virgo – Cardiac Hill when it’s unnaturally 92 degrees in September.

Libra – the extra step that you thought was at the bottom of stairs that reminded you how precious human life is

Scorpio – feeling your self-confidence plummet when the outfit you pictured in your head does not go as hard as you thought it would

Sagittarius – slowly putting your head down in shame when you know you bombed the quiz because instead of studying you were doing wine-drunk face masks at 3:43pm calling it self-care

Capricorn – Cardiac Hill when the escalators are turned off

Aquarius – y = mx+b

Pisces –  the slippery slope of online shopping