Everything We Know About This Year’s iPhone

By Zach Hartman

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Apple is rumored to have announced this year’s iteration of the iPhone at their event earlier today. Usually the content of these announcements is a tightly-kept secret until much after the event. We at The Pittiful News, however, have compiled some information about what we think will be announced through various rumors, leaks, and predictions. Here’s what we know:

  • It’ll be shiny
  • It will be made of metal and glass
  • You can call people on it
  • Maybe even text them too
  • It’ll have apps
  • And probably a screen of some sort
  • And at least one camera
  • It will have a battery life
  • It will support AirPods so you can continue to flex on the hoes
  • Siri is still a bitch
  • You already want it, but can’t afford it
  • It comes in a box
  • It also comes with Apple stickers
  • It has a fruit on the back, but do not eat it.
  • It gives the use the power of telecommunication
  • You still will never get a signal in the Cathedral

Wow, this year’s iPhone sure sounds like a killer. Isn’t it amazing how fast technology changes? What will Silicon Valley think of next?

Professional Gaming to be Aired on ESPN by 2016

By Christian Heagy

It is no doubt that League of Legends is one of the most popular “Electronic Sports” of this modern era. “Electronic Sports,” better known as “Esports,” is a growing trend across the globe. The 2014 League of Legends World Championship climbed up to over 11 million concurrent viewers from around the world at it’s peak.


With its exponential growth in popularity, it is no wonder that the demand to have professional Esports appear on television is on the rise and what better place to air it than famed sports channel, ESPN.


“It’s no doubt that having pro League of Legends on television is a step in the right direction.” announced Andy “Reginald” Dihn, coach and owner of Team Solo Mid, one of the longest running teams in the professional League of Legends scene. “The players are already in contracts and are treated like other sports players and it’s about time they got on television.”


“Having professional League of Legends aired on our channel will broaden our target audience outside of the typical sports watchers. We hope to have the Finals, if not all, of the League of Legends 2016 World Championship aired on our channel.” explains John Skipper, president of ESPN, inc.


“I always found the traditional games aired on ESPN to be rather boring and quite barbaric. The introduction of Esports will be a breath of fresh air. It will be nice to see a knowledge based game that actually requires skill on ESPN” said video game enthusiast, Gary “xXsEmIpRoXx” Yang.

By adding League of Legends to the list of games they already air, ESPN seems to be making the right economic choice. The contract is set to be signed December 9, 2015.