By Abby Stoudt
Are you there Naruto runner guy from Area 51? It’s me, Abby.
Ever since my lonely gaze fell upon your splendid bod, it was like love at first sight. Your form was so perfect that it reminded me of how it felt to be alive again. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything. I stopped feeling things when I watched episode 109 of Naruto (that’s the one where Sasuke leaves the village, for all of you uncultured losers out there). But Naruto runner guy, you made me feel a new woman. I swear when you ran across that desert behind that reporter, a million butterflies took flight in my stomach. I grew weak in the knees. I can’t stop thinking about you.
Naruto runner guy, I know this sounds corny but make me feel like I’ve just been named hokage. You make me feel like how Naruto must have felt after he was finally able to concentrate enough chakra in his feet to run all the way up to the tree and slash a mark higher than Sasuke could. You make me feel like Naruto when he finally mastered the rasengan.
If I’m being honest, Naruto runner guy (and I will be honest with you in our relationship. There will be no secrets between us because relationships need communication in order to work. I will respect you and I will listen to you. I will be your shoulder to cry on and your best friend. I believe that we might even be soul mates, Naruto runner guy, if you don’t mind me being too forward.), if I’m being honest, I think that you are so brave and courageous, and that you should even be named a national hero. Not just anyone could do what you did and run so beautifully on television like that, but I think it was so wonderful.
Naruto runner guy, if you ever see this, I hope that it sparks something inside you too. No, I hope it ignites a fire inside of you that is brighter than the fire release jitsu and it burns just as hot.
By the way, I’m single, 5’3”, Pisces, and have a fantastic sense of humor ;)