Dreams Come True, BITCH

By Jessica Simpson 
Matilda Reve, founder of Dreamscometruebitch101.org, was kind enough to sit down with the Pittiful News and reveal the secrets of her groovy new website.  Ever since Reve was a young girl, she could understand the subconscious. “My neighbor once had a dream that he went to the store and bought three pounds of Swiss cheese.  I just knew that meant he needed to eat more cheese.  There were holes in his diet that he couldn’t see.  He turned out to be a lactose intolerant sex addict but he did visit Switzerland. It’s like I have ESP or something,” said Reve.

Unlike Dreams A-Z, or The Dream Dictionary, Dreamscometruebitch101 has a more open forum. Anyone can share their dreams, however specific, and Reve will personally interpret it for a reasonable fee of $19.99 per letter. According to Reve it’s common knowledge that certain dreams should be taken literally.   For example, if you had a dream that you were stranded in the middle of the ocean and eaten by a shark, Reve would advise you carry a lifejacket at all times and stay away from oceans, lakes, and pools. Or let’s say you have a dream that all of your teeth fall out.  Reve recommends visiting a dentist.  Cavities and gingivitis could one day render you toothless, and looking like Popeye isn’t in vogue these days.

However Reve does favor a Freudian approach to dream interpretation.  As taken from the website, if you dream about anything phallic shaped: a banana, a pencil, your dachshund named Oscar—your subconscious could be dicktating your real desires.  Don’t worry, you’re not nuts.   Reve is just trying to point you in the right d-erection.  So go follow your dreams, take a nap.  In the words of Mike Tyson, “I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds.”