Pittiful Advice: I’m worried that my dentist is a loser.

Editor’s Note: The original question was – “I’m worried that my dentist is a loser. Every time I go to see him (which is often, for I am a prospector, and my teeth are as rotten as the day is long) he always seems so lonely. None of the other dentists seem to hang out with him, or to playfully rib him – you know, the way dentists do, with that famous humor of theirs. If this continues, I’m afraid I’m going to have to find a new dentist. Please help!”

 

I’m so glad you reached out, but boy oh boy have you got a nasty problem on your hands. No-one wants a loser dentist, least of all a prospector. Unfortunately, if he’s getting excluded from that playful inter-dentist ribbing, you might have to throw the whole dentist away, because there’s no coming back from a blow like that.

There’s two things you can do: you can either find a new dentist stat and leave this one to rot like your teeth (hopefully your new dentist can save your teeth though, you need them biters!), or you can find a new dentist but before you leave, gently drop this one some tips on how to be a little bit cool so he doesn’t die  alone. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Wear sunglasses. 😎
  2. Hot-glue lizards to the ceiling above the chair.
  3. Wall art so the office reflects his personality. Examples – a  ‘Live Laugh Love’ sign to show he’s breezy and chill, that ‘Fight Club’ poster with Brad Pitt to show that he’s updated on pop culture.
  4. Can’t go wrong with one or more office dogs.
  5. Above all, don’t forget to not be yourself! :) 

 

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Tired dentist in his office waiting for patient

Pittiful Advice: Is it safe to leave tacos in my car?

Wow, great question! We had to contact our expert on car tacos for this one. Since you didn’t provide the specs (number, color, etc.) of your tacos, she just gave us some general guidelines:

  • Leaving tacos in your car increases the likelihood that your car will be broken into. The breaker will most likely want to steal your tacos, although they’ll say they were just trying to help you.
  • Leaving tacos in your car for a period of 36 hours or less is generally OK. Be aware that your car may grow rather attached to the tacos (in a non-moldy way) during that time, which may make taco removal difficult. If you must leave tacos in your car, place them in a Tupperware of coconut oil to shield your car from their charms. Nonetheless, do not be alarmed if your car learns Spanish, paints itself tomato red, or retains the scent of limes even after taco removal.
  • Hard-shell tacos generally do better in cars than soft-shell tacos. Soft-shell tacos, though undoubtedly more delicious, bring more filling and are more sensitive to high-pressure environments such as your car, so they can collapse from strain.
  • A note on tacos containing cheese: some tacos contain straight cheese, while others contain gay cheese or other cheeses (often collectively called “homosexuals” in discriminatory circles). If you leave a mixture of tacos in your car, it is vital that the group is well-balanced, i.e. a healthy mixture of straight- and other-cheese tacos. Inequality often leads to unrest among tacos.
  • I do not recommend leaving tacos in your car if they contain any meats, fish, eggs, or dairy (other than cheese). Against everyone’s will, they will grow attached to your car in a moldy way.
  • Under no circumstances should you leave tacos in your car for more than 36 hours, especially if you intend to eat them afterwards (this action, labelled as repulsive among experts, is known colloquially as “gross”).

Best,

Satire Sal

 

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tacos