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By Lord Tyler Sikov, Savannah Teman, and Sarah Yule

5 best tools to organize your Secret Santa gift exchange - Komando.com

Confidential, for santa’s eyes only

  • Dog head mask 
  • Viagra for women
  • Claritin-D for men
  • DIY milk bath
  • Winter Candy Apple candle from Bath and Body Works
  • Debt forgiveness
  • Clairo
  • Fish sticks; my parents refuse to buy them for me after the choking incident of ‘05 
  • A new bathtub; it still reeks of fish sticks after the choking incident of ‘05
  • A new tub of Miralax; it’s the secret ingredient in the best cup of hot cocoa you’ll ever have
  • Some new stand-up specials
  • The resurgence of an unmoderated Tumblr
  • A new tub of Cyanide; it’s the secret ingredient in the last cup of hot cocoa you’ll ever have
  • The feeling of listening to Ariana Grande’s 34+35 for the first time 
  • Cats
  • Cats on blu-ray
  • Kittens in mittens
  • True love
  • 1 partridge in a pear tree
  • 2 turtle doves
  • 3 silver rings
  • 4 bags of cat hair
  • 5 new Ed Sheeran songs
  • 6 additional wishes 
  • 7 spoons of mashed potatoes
  • 8 maps to the new world
  • 9 howler monkeys
  • 10 court jesters 
  • 11 offshore bank accounts
  • 12 selfies with Mr. Noodle’s brother Mr. Noodle from the Elmo show
  • Froot Loops
  • The Country 
  • Country Crock
  • The Lööp
  • For Gritty to notice me 
  • Happiness 
  • Jackbox 8
  • A vegan ice cream cake
  • More cats 
  • Vegan milk chocolate, like seriously just use one of the many vegan milks, it is not that hard
  • An additional spoon of mashed potatoes 
  • A chinchilla  
  • And a partridge in a pear tree 

this article will self destruct in 5





error, self destruct sequence cancelled 

2019 Spring Olympics Announced in Altoona, PA

By: Jessica Simpson

The International Olympic Committee’s President, Thomas Bach, recently confirmed that the inaugural Spring Olympic Games would be held in April 2019, in the great city of Altoona, Pennsylvania. Eight months following the summer games in Tokyo, the world’s most athletic and talented humans will once again compete in what Bach refers to as, “all of your favorite spring sports.”
In the IOC’s Official Olympic Handbook, spring sports are qualified as the type of events that one would encounter during an elementary school field day, birthday party, or family reunion. Among the many intense sports showcased, there is: water balloon tossing, sack racing, three-legged racing, wheel barrel racing, dodgeball, hide-and-go-seek, and the main event—the egg-and-spoon race. The IOC predicts that internationally celebrated spoon-man, Sam Yerman from Vancouver, will most likely go up against other internationally celebrated spoon-woman, Eliza Roshay from Glasgow. The games will be quite different from the gymnastics, swimming, figure skating, and skiing, which we see at the Summer and Winter Olympics respectively. But the stakes for the Spring Olympics will be the highest they have ever been in Olympic history.
Even though the decision to launch the Spring Olympics was announced relatively last minute, according to Bach and other members of the IOC, it has been a long time coming. “The demand of expert spring sportsmen and women across the globe was so incredibly high,” says Boch. “We just didn’t have the right platform or location until we decided on Altoona.” As number 42 on Vacation Magazine’s “Top 25 Places to Visit in Pennsylvania,” Altoona was simply the ideal platform for the 2019 Spring Olympics. Altoona’s Mayor, Matthew Pacifico, spoke more about what the city has to offer: “We have a lot of fields. And grass. We have a lot of grass too, which is good for this kind of thing,” Pacifico said. As it stands, over 100 countries have registered to participate in the games. Buy your tickets and set your recordings now. You won’t want to miss it.