I stole my neighbor’s lawn ornaments

By Tyler Sikov

               I have once again gotten myself into a pickle, not literally this time. My neighbors wanted to test out their new security system, so they asked me to steal some of their lawn ornaments. I was on board immediately and began planning my expert heist. I arrive at their house (like a minute after I leave my house, you know neighbors and all) and I set my sights on my targets, the ornaments.

               There is an assortment of ornaments. There is a peacock where the tail and body spin independently of each other. There is one that is topped with an orb, that I am certain is just a wizard staff half buried in the ground. There is a very rusted sun flower. The last one is a stained-glass picture of 2 butterflies on a stick.

               I look for defenses and more importantly flaws in the defenses. I do not notice anything stopping me from stealing the ornaments. So, I walk up and pick the orb and peacock up. I walk back to my house and hide them in my garage. I go back and get the other 2 ornaments and hide them in my garage. As with all crimes I commit, I desire recognition so I go back to the scene of the crime and contemplate stealing their potted plants but decide against it.

               A few hours later my neighbors asked where their lawn ornaments went. I informed them that I stole them as they had requested to which they replied that they had not yet installed their new security system and had been at a funeral while I was stealing their ornaments. They asked me to return them but I said no because I put some effort into planning my heist. I was planning on doing a number of flips and rolls through the laser field I pictured. I brought multiple bandanas which I planned to use as weapons. Most importantly I had a getaway driver which I never used, now I have to apologize to my mom for not using her help in yet another criminal act. I will keep you, my readers, up to date on my escapades in nefarious activities.

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