A Comprehensive Guide to Reading Homestuck While Quarantined

By: Abby Stoudt
The Wednesday after finals ended in April, I set out on a personal journey of immense proportions. I decided to finally sit down and read the entirety of Homestuck. Prior to that fateful week, the idea of diving headfirst into the 8000-page interactive webcomic-slash-flash extravaganza that is Homestuck had seemed way too intimidating to even attempt to concern myself with. Twenty-nine days later I saw the words that made my whole journey worthwhile: “The End.” I had done it; I had finally read Homestuck. It had only taken nearly a month of reading every day for hours on end
to accomplish. The experience was exhilarating. I leapt up off of my bed and exclaimed “I did it! I finished Homestuck!” My mom stuck her head in my room to ask me what I was yelling about. I turned my laptop around to show her the credits. She told me she was proud of me. My little sister told me she didn’t care. Now, in the aftermath of my adventure, I have comprised a pretty comprehensive guide to help you too
read Homestuck while you’re home, stuck. Pun intended. First off, if you want to read Homestuck, you’re going to want to set aside at least a solid month in order
to do that. I read pretty fast, so my reading took just under a month and that was with multiple viewings of page 7449. I couldn’t help it, I’m a sucker for Vriska.
Next, you’re probably going to want to get familiar with the Homestuck wiki. Throughout your reading, you are going to be introduced to dozens and dozens of characters with complex backstories and names that are difficult to remember. The wiki WILL become your best friend. When you start reading Homestuck it would probably be best to call your actual best friend and let them know you are replacing
them. You’re probably going to forget why Aradia suddenly stopped being dead even though she was always dead, and the wiki will remind you of why she’s back. (Spoiler: she’s a time aspect so she just jumped into the Alpha timeline from a timeline where she never died. I think.) Also, it will behoove you to form a support group of sorts. Mine consisted of three of my best and closest friends. First, I had a friend who was formerly into Homestuck. They formed the emotional support portion of my group. They were there to understand me when I was overcome with Homestuck brain worms and needed someone to talk to. They were there to create a self-insert kidsona with me
and talk about how awesome Vriska is. Yeah, she was an asshole, but you have to look past that. She’s the glue that holds the whole story together. This friend is best accompanied by an indifferent and an anti-Homestuck friend. My indifferent friend was there to poke gentle fun at my newfound hobby. She would tease me about how much time I spent reading it and I would tease her right back about reading Twilight in less than a week. My anti-Homestuck friend however, kept me humble. She called me out for
reblogging Homestuck memes from my pro-Homestuck friend on Tumblr. Mostly however, she ultimately reminded me that at the end of the day, I was wasting my time.
You know what, maybe I was wasting my time this past month. Honestly though, who cares! Time isn’t real, the world isn’t real, and sometimes it’s just fun to escape for a few weeks and totally immerse yourself into an internet phenomenon. Anyways, I hope this guide inspires and helps you along your own Homestuck journey. If anyone needs
me, I will be spending the next few weeks reading the epilogues and catching up on Homestuck 2. Your journey might end at page 8129, but mine is eternal.

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