Student’s Drunk Personality Takes on Identity of Its Own

By Liam Duncan

We all have those nights; we start with a few drinks, then have a lot more. We all wake up with someone, or something, unexpected in our beds, bruises we do not remember sustaining, and the new Xbox One we don’t remember ordering on Amazon in our mailbox. Sometimes our drunk selves do things that our daytime selves would never do, but for Casey Bunting, he actually has no control over what happens after that first fruity shot of alcohol syrup.

Bunting is here for his first year at the university, studying finance. Bunting is a dedicated student, focused on grades, family, and treasured Miltonia Orchid, in that order. While only rarely does Bunting indulge in a fermented libation from a stemmed glass, every time he does a wholly new personality emerges from some long-forgotten nook and/or cranny of his unconscious.

Evidence of this night stalking shadow twin first appeared three months ago, when the student awoke to find that his room had been completely rearranged and that he had learned to play slap-bass.  Bunting wrote the incident off as a one time lapse of judgement and reviewed the notes he’d taken when he did alchoholedu. Soon after, however, messages started appearing from the other Casey Bunting on post-it-notes or scraps of paper around his dorm. These notes said things like, “Hey it’s me, sorry about the hangover”, “I want to see the world!” and “Man, I fucking LOVE chicken nuggets”.

When asked about his interactions with his liquor fiend alter ego, Bunting had this to say:

“I don’t mind him too much, he buys me gifts, people recognize me on the street more often now. Except they do they always call me El Drunk-quistador. The poor douche is always on a voyage for the fountain of Verm-youth.

Bunting concluded this statement with a chuckle.

The two personalities continue to exist in relative harmony. They respect each other’s time, Bunting always gets assignments in by deadlines so that the other is never late for shot o’clock. If you ask this writer though, like all college relationships, eventually one of the two individuals is going to want all the control.

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