Area Man Gives Up Drinking Dirty Pond Water

By Phil Forrence

John Tenneson struggles with addiction. “It’s a disease. A life-ruining disease that eventually takes over.” The twenty-two year is ready to turn the ship around, “I want to begin the next chapter of my life,” he proclaims, “and the first step is giving up drinking dirty, filthy pond water.”
“I started drinking from puddles and brooks at the age of 15,” Tenneson recalls, “and graduated to full blown ponds only two years later.”
The cycle of addiction can be intense, “I’m just sick of drinking coffee when I wake up, alcohol when I go to sleep, and dirty pond water at every point in between.” The effects are brutal. “I keep contracting dysentery,” Tenneson lamneted. Dysentery, a type of gastroenteritis that results in bloody diarrhea, was often contracted at prison camps by Civil War POWs.

“What am I a Civil War POW?” He continues, ”No. I’m John Tenneson, and I’ve been fired from two Best Buys this year due to customer complaints about my rampant pond-water-drinking.”
As of the writing of this article John has received his 2-week chip from DPWA and has been showing fewer symptoms of dysentery.



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