Halloween Sex Tips

By Critter Fink

Image result for pumpkin glory hole
  1. Empty a pumpkin out
  2. Layer the guts in a 9X13 pan
  3. Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees
  4. Bake the pumpkin guts for 10-13 minutes or until golden orange
  5. Carve a penis shaped hole in the side of the pumpkin
  6. Put the fully baked pumpkin guts back into the pumpkin
  7. Put your penis into the hole
  8. Feel the burns from the extremely hot guts surround your member 
  9. Fuck the shit out of that pumpkin 
  10. Go to the hospital to get your second and third degree burns treated
  11. Give your number to the first nurse you see
  12. Wait three days 
  13. She will not have texted you in this time 
  14. Find out where she lives
  15. Bring the pumpkin that you originally fucked 
  16. Put the pumpkin on her front porch
  17. Break into her home
  18. Murder her
  19. Take her corpse home because you are now married
  20. Empty out the innards in her body 
  21. Put them in a 9X13 pan, lightly greased
  22. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown 
  23. Stuff her torso fill of the now  
  24. Enjoy having a warm body in your bed again
  25. Return to her home because you forgot your pumpkin you goof!
  26. The police are there and you tell them you just need your pumpkin
  27. Literally seven people saw you dragging the corpse out
  28. Double check that the oven is off
  29. The police will bring you to jail
  30. You are now serving life in prison
  31. Learn how to be a bottom bitch in prison
  32. Get craaaazy good at giving head
  33. Find a drug kingpin to be your zaddy

So if you want a cute and casual way to put some Halloween fun into you sex life this is the plan for you!
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