By Dana Good
Since the minute she stepped foot on campus, Samantha Brown was constantly told she needs to go to graduate school. After doing some research, Brown was slightly disheartened by the high cost, but found a new positive outlook on the situation, “I didn’t think it was going to be that expensive, but I’m not too worried about paying for it. I found out that in Mexico City they pay $55,000 just for a kidney. That got me thinking—I can sell all of these body parts I have no use for and pay for grad school. It’s very chic.”
Brown told the Pittiful News about which body parts she plans on harvesting and selling over the course of the next few years, “I never really listen to what other people say and I have this cool cartilage piercing, so I’ll probably cut off both of my ears and sell them the next time I’m in Cancun. I also don’t have much use for my left leg; I feel like it just kind of weighs me down and makes putting on pants much harder than is necessary so that’ll go, too.” She continued to tell our reporter that washing her hair and washing her hands has become very tiresome so it’s likely that she will scalp herself and cut off both of her hands (including forearms) just to make life a little easier. “Also,” said Brown, “I feel like large intestines are so 2009 and same goes for every single one of my white and red blood cells. Like who needs those? It’s just clutter.” Brown told the Pittiful News that she is looking forward to a much more efficient lifestyle, and now she will have a lot more free time to do the things she enjoys, as she won’t be so preoccupied “lugging around that body of hers”.