Area Mans Use of Acronyms Becoming Detrimental

By Will Connor

PITTSBURGH, PA – Squirrel Hill resident Don Cronim’s habit of creating acronyms for insignificant parts of life is beginning to really bother his neighbors. Although he claims to be a very friendly his neighbors attest, “It’s just impossible to understand him anymore. When he comes up to you and says ‘HYDG?’ you just have no idea what he’s trying to say.” Some of them are genuinely concerned for his well being. Another resident says that she is “very worried about his mental health” and “doesn’t think he won’t be able to get a job to sustain himself.”

Don’s reaction to these comments is one of genuine concern. “I JWS that I like their outfit, or tell them how much I LTBW!” he told The Pittiful News. “But when TDU what you wanna say, you feel like a WUHB and just DSTP.”

Don started using acronyms in high school, where he was able to carve out a niche for himself as being “hip” and “ahead of the game.” He continued to use them in college, proving to be quite a character in his fraternity (which he called “a perfect fit because of the natural acronym”). Unfortunately for him, acronyms never caught on, but he couldn’t bring himself to quit his habit. “Acronyms CTMN and I CNSU them,” he says. Now 32 years old, Don has trouble making connections due to his frequent use of acronyms. “IARS,” he sighs.

At press time, Don was reportedly TSMT by going to the nearest Italian restaurant for a quiet dinner before WLOTV.

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