Local Crips Member Regrets His Decision to Dress For Valentine’s Day

It was upon arriving at the annual Pittsburgh Crips Valentine’s Day Soiree that William Tyler, who has been a member of the Crips since 2007, began to feel like everyone in the room was staring at him. “I thought more people would have dressed for the occasion,” said a disappointed Tyler. Instead, his festive red Valentine’s Day outfit was met with stares and the occasional rude comment.
“I know we have a stringent dress policy, but I was really hoping that today would be an exception,” he said.

 Tyler describes himself as an unabashed Valentine’s Day enthusiast. “Although I may be single, I’m still just so happy that there’s a day devoted entirely to love,” he gushed. “All I wanted was to spend the day celebrating with my brothers, but instead there’s been all this awkwardness, tension and death threats.”

 “It’s not like I have a lot of red clothing. So I had to drive all the way out to the mall just to get this stupid shirt and bandana that I’m never going to be able to wear again. It’s all just such a waste,” he moaned. “But I can’t help it. I really do love Valentine’s Day.”
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Top Ten Top Ten Lists

By Hannah Lynn
No one can resist a good listicle. But what a listicle made of listicles? We live in the future and the world is a nightmare! Anyway, enjoy.

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