“We regret to inform the public, that the point in history when one had to shove a cotton-stick into his ear to keep it marginally cleaner, has ended,” begins the official statement from Q-tips, “however, Q-tips will live on in the hearts, minds, and, due to a few regrettable misadventures, the ears of our users.” The company went on to say it will donate its unsold inventory to retirement homes and aging heavy metal bands.
By Phil Forrence
The geniuses at Apple have done it again. “We figured, the ears are the most important body part to our sales, right???” says Dr. Gentry, head of the Sound-To-Brain department at Apple. “Well if ears are so meaningful to us, why wouldn’t we try to keep them cleaned out as well as entertained?”
The new Apple ear buds feature an inner-ear-shaped probe that puts the speaker closer to your eardrum and thus has the added ability to scoop out that excess ear wax any time you feel like jamming out!
“I love them.” Raves nineteen-year old Nathan Young, “People always used to want to steal my headphones, but now that I have personalized my new apple ear-buds with my own coating of cerumen, I can safely keep them visible in any social situation.”