Local Cynic Convinced He’s Full of Crap

Oakland cynic Kwayk Tredson, renowned for his inability to see anything but filth and deceit behind other people’s actions and beliefs, told reporters Wednesday he is convinced that he himself is full of crap.

“I thought about it the other day and realized what a pathetic maggot of a human being I am,” Tredson said. “I’m trying to justify my own depravity by thinking that everybody else is as immoral and selfish as me. Everything I say about others is just a desperate attempt to hide my insecurities. I think I’m so good at penetrating deep in the the psyche of others to expose their true motives but in reality I’m just a sack of shit, a blathering fake.”

At press time, Tredson was overcome by doubt as to whether he should trust the opinion of someone as shallow and cynical as himself.

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