Fox News will be offering a degree in Islamophobia starting this November, said Jeremy Fluggins, the initiative’s educational director and the head of the Mass Misleadia Corporation.
“Our goal is to inculcate in fellow Americans a passionate hatred and fear of Islam and Muslims,” Fluggins said, lamenting how dull the lives of paranoid ranters have been since the fun old days of McCarthyism. “We need to be on guard: ISIS and the deranged Oklahoma City beheader have shown us Islam, and for our purposes that’s enough.”
Fluggins noted that many people will be eligible for enrollment in the program, as the requirements are easy to meet. They include no or only superficial familiarity with Islam and the history of the Middle East and no personal acquaintance with a moderate, peaceful Muslim.
The Islamophobia program will be attractive also because the courses will involve little work, “the less the better,” said John Carpner, one of the program’s instructors specializing in the so-called “Islam equals Muslim equals terrorist equals ISIS” postulate. “Of course we can’t study Muslim as exemplified by all 1.6 billion terrorists—sory, I meant Islams—so we’ll just focus on the most extreme handful of them that make the gory news to get a clearer picture,” he added. Poorly-reported but well-prejudiced news stories will serve as the bulk of the course material, Carpner said, and graduates are guaranteed a high employment rate as Fox News will hire them as “experts” and frequent TV-show guests with vague but impressive titles.
Some have accused Fox News of “ripping off students and calling it education,” the way some for-profit colleges such as ITT Technical Institute do.
“That’s an unsubstantiated slander,” Fluggins said of the accusation. “It not our fault that some organizations like ITT cheat students out of money and call it education when it’s clearly not. Only a bigoted fool would blame or hate us for the actions of hypocrites who misinterpret our cause and make a bad name for it.”