PITTSBURGH — In a press conference on Monday, one week after the release of a study by the U.S. Department of Education that showed that Pitt is the most expensive four-year public college in the country, Pitt’s chancellor Patrick Gallagher admitted that there is absolutely no way to prevent this or lower the costs.
“I mean, somebody has to be number one, right?” Gallagher said. “Now it’s us. Big deal, eh? But there is nothing we can do about it, except maybe celebrate. I mean, look around the world – it’s not like Europe has colleges that are cheap and perhaps even better than Pitt. And let’s be realistic here, when you have that loan you’ll be paying off for decades after graduation, it’s not like a few more years of debt will make that much of a difference. So just suck it up, okay? This is the cost of high-quality education and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
After giving it some thought while drinking water, Gallagher added, “Actually, come to think of it, I think I know what the problem is: Nordenberg. It’s all his fault. And it will remain his fault forever, no matter what I do, got it? Okay, I’m glad we got that straight.”