Man Distraught After Jogging Without Earphones

Matt Holsten, a Pitt junior majoring in anthropology, confirmed that he was forced to jog for an entire hour without mind-numbing music in his ears. He said he was already outside when he found out that his only earphones were completely broken. Though he never spends more than twenty minutes without external stimulation because that gets him bored or thinking, Holsten said he decided to continue jogging and brave it out.

“Though I’m unaccustomed to it, hearing the life around me and being alone with my thoughts felt okay at first,” Holsten said. “But after a while it got downright distressing. I became bombarded by all these intrusive thoughts, wondering what I was doing with my life and how to find a job, wondering why I haven’t called my close friends in so long and realizing what a jerk I am to my parents. Jesus God, I almost started thinking about changing my major into something more marketable and about what the hell I was going to do after college!”

Singing loudly to himself, Holsten turned around and sprinted to the local RadioShack when he heard birds chirping and people laughing at a local park and “damn near decided to spend more time outside.” At press time Holsten was still waiting for an undisclosed number of earphone sets he had bought wholesale so as to never again experience the horror of having time to just be and think.

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