Special Editorial by New GRE Chairman, Frank Chiprah: "You’re stupid and I’m not"

Hi, “future” grad student. Frank Chiprah here to remind you that you’re stupid and I’m not. That’s right. I’m a big boy and I can say words. So many words. I learned words that you don’t know. You are a big dumb baby and I know what “antediluvian” means. What? You went through four years of college? Aww, you mastered highly specified skill and knowledge sets so you could become a leader in your future craft? Oh no, you networked with top notch stalwarts of academia in order to establish yourself as a bright, resourceful professional prepared to take on the challenges of the world ahead? Well screw you, because I invented a test and I know what “antediluvian” means.

I understand that you feel that this test is unnecessary. It seems like a bunch of extra stress. You might say, “Boy, Frank, this test seems awfully antediluvian.” Guess what? You don’t even know what antediluvian means! Ha! Take that, you loon.

There was an antediluvian time when antediluvian students like yourself tried their antediluvian best to complete antediluvian examinations with a nice, antediluvian smile and antediluvian courage in their academic, antediluvian hearts. My, how things have antediluvianed. Sorry, I feel like I’m antediluvianing. I tend to do that sometimes when I’m feeling antediluvian. Just let me take a quick breather and I’ll be sure to antediluvian what antediluvian antediluvians.

Let me antediluvian with you on what antediluvian is. When I first set out to antediluvian students, I wasn’t quite sure how to antediluvian. There was a time when I antediluvianed, “Hey, why not just antediluvian with other antediluvians? Let the kids antediluvian on their own time.” Not anymore, buster. I antediluvianed with a vengeance and made sure every motherf*cking antediluvian antediluvian knew what time it antediluvianed.

I’m smart and I know it. I’ve antediluvianed everywhere. I’ve antediluvianed on a table. I’ve antediluvianed on a desk. I’ve antediluvianed on your mom’s bed. Oh, you better believe I antediluvian there. I do it while you’re asleep. Point is, I run this house. You step into my antediluvian thinking you can antediluvian me? You are dead meat. Straight up antediluvian antediluvian, sucka.

Yeah, get pumped. Get pumped! You ain’t antediluvianing my test. No way, no antediluvianing way! You might as well just go ahead and shove that pencil right up your antediluvian. My house. My antediluvian. My rules. Antediluvian out, yo!

*Oops. Quick note. You have to take my test and it costs $9,000. Good luck to all students and have a great summer!

Sincerely,
Frank

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