Local Vegan Wearing Leather Boots

Petrucia Bower was spotted last Saturday walking around campus in a shiny new pair of Doc Martens. Bower, known for her activism as the campus representative for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA, caused major uproar around campus.
Tracie Harris, fellow PETA advocate but only a vegetarian says, “I looked up to Petrucia. She was my idol. I can’t believe this is happening. Everything I have ever known about animal rights is now altered, changed, destroyed, dismantled, and worst of all, kerfuffled. I went home and ate a hamburger after I saw her.”

PETA is against animal domestication, use of animals in fashion, human consumption of meat products and meat production in bulk including, but not limited to, bodybuilding to get mad jacked. The use of leather to make stylish boots severely opposes PETA values. They should therefore not be worn by representatives of the non-profit. PETA has taken away Bowers title and is continuing to not pay her.

PETA says, “Bower disrespected us and is no longer a part of our cult. We will carry on without her. We don’t want hypocrites around us, anyway!” Spotted in the street, we asked Bower for comment. She expressed little sympathy, offering only, “I look good, bitch.”

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